I recently spent some time in Shanghai and I met some overseas born Chinese guys. It made me realise how much easier it is to relate to a guy who is from the "West" and not necessarily from the "East". In appearance they're Asian but their mindset is very Western.
They can relate to cultural references, and you can pretty much communicate clearly - all the guys I met had a very good grasp of the English language! I really started to question why I was even bothering with local Chinese guys???? I mean they're so much hard work. Most of them just see you as an "experience" or have some romanticised idea of been in a relationship with a Western girl.
These guys grew up with blonde, red, or brown haired girls all around them. They don't see Western girls as something that's exotic or unattainable. For them it's more that they're attracted to caucasian girls. Although not all, one or two do have an interest in Asian girls too.
I guess with these guys their families would be more accepting if their son's partner was Western, which could pose a problem if you dated a local guy in China. You have to contend with his family (can happen in the West too, I realise this), his obligations to his family, language, and been on the same page for big decisions. A reltionship is hard enough as it is, without the added stress of trying to work out why he's acting the way he is because he has a different outlook to you. Girls tend to overanalyse situations and dating a Chinese guy makes your mind go into overdrive. You often wonder why he's doing this, and doing that. However, he's probably not doing the same about you, so there's a lack of understanding from both sides...but more so his!
I just think that overseas born Asian guys seem less stress.....
It would certainly be easier for a Western girl to relate to a Western-born Chinese guy because of the similarities in cultural upbringing that the two share. However, in trying to decide whether you should pursue a relationship with a Western-born Chinese guy or a Chinese-born Chinese guy you should think about why you are attracted to Asian men in the first place. Is your attraction to us attributable solely to your preference for our physical attributes (i.e. our gracile build, hairless body, and etc.), or are you attracted to us because you also have a keen interest in Asian cultures and you find the perspectives informed by Asian cultures that Asian men bring with them to the relationship to be intellectually/emotionally stimulating?
ReplyDelete"gracile build"???
ReplyDeleteI have been re-assessing my attraction to Asian guys of late. I have to be honest and say, that I am superficial. I love Asian guy's eyes, their skin and I guess they are pretty hairless.
I didn't grow up around much family and so I think the family structure in many Asian countries appeals somewhat but also scares the hell out of me too. In some ways I think I am searching for that strong family connection but I don't know if it's realistic, that I could handle having my in-laws living with me or been within a 5km radius.
I used to believe that old school gentlemen still existed in China but I am starting to disbelieve that one! Many guys here do, do things that are very caring, but they just see as their duty which is refreshing: paying for your meal, making sure you get home ok, helping you if you need it because of lack of language skills.
So we really are just pieces of meat to you, as your “H.A.M.” would suggest? (-:
ReplyDeleteI understand how the prospect of having to live with your in-laws would be a major put-off to a Western woman, though. In fact, even Chinese women themselves have traditionally been horrified at the idea of having to please their mother-in-law and deal with her in a shared living environment on a daily basis. However, it’s not as bad as the stereotype that has been propagated about Chinese mother-in-laws suggests. Sure, there are horror stories, but there are also many instances of mother- and daughter-in-laws getting along swimmingly. It’s just that the positive stories are not as entertaining so they don’t get talked about as often.
It’s also worth noting that many modern Chinese couples don’t live with the husband’s parents, and the parents don’t expect them to. I don’t know how common this arrangement is in China at the moment, but in Taiwan, for example, you’ll see many households made up of the basic nuclear family – i.e. the married couple and their children. So don’t be so quick to dismiss a Chinese-born Chinese guy on the assumption that you’d have to live with his evil mother.
The thing about the gentlemanly behaviour that you see in Chinese guys is that it’s based on an underlying attitude of male chauvinism, which is not so different from the chivalry that used to be common in the West. As such, I’m not sure if the gentlemanly behaviour that you see in China is something that you really want. I will say this, though. As a Western woman you’re likely judged by Chinese-born Chinese guys using a different standard and you’re likely to be treated with more respect.
Oh, and “gracile” is just a much cooler way of saying “scrawny”. (-:
Yes I basically view you as pieces of meat: some are easy to digest, some you have to chew and chew but then spit out, some are not to your taste...ha ha ha.
ReplyDeleteI think the majority of Chinese men fall into two categories: thin or fat...or scrawny and lardy :)
It's a bit of a contradiction here in mainland China. There does seem to be more and more children opting to live apart from their parents, this is true. However, I think in big cities this trend is slowly reversing. Most young people can't afford to buy their own apartment in the major cities like: Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou or Shenzhen. Their parents also didn't forecast that their child's future "dowry" would cost so much either.
In smaller cities young people have more opportunity to buy their own apartments and live apart as property is still "reasonable"...However, more traditional values lie in the smaller cities. So I think yes, young people are wanting to break away from their parents but there are reasons why they're still living with them.
Thanks for the comments, I am glad someone is reading my blog :)
Haha… Yeah, there was a time when Chinese people were all but scrawny, but the steady colonisation of China by McDonald’s and KFC that has taken place over the past couple of decades has created a new breed of fat Chinese people. Oh well, at least maybe now people will not just automatically think “skinny” whenever they think of Chinese guys (or Asians guys more generally). It’s too bad that a culture of working out hasn’t really caught on in the mainstream Chinese society, though.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading about your expat experiences, and I hope you continue writing. (-:
Another thing you have to consider is, I would expect Western Chinese or Western Asians are a lot more fussy about what type of white girl they date. Because they have seen everything.
ReplyDeleteHowever a local Chinese probably hasn't met that many foreigner girls so of course they are going to be more curious. I think the level of exposure is what determins who an asian guy would go for.
As for me I have never dated a western Chinese in fact I have only ever met a western chinese girl and even she still prefered to date another western chinese guy
There are many factors to consider to be honest. I have only met a handful of Asian guys who grew up abroad, and nearly every one of them prefers Western girls whilst living in China. There are reasons like: language barrier, not attracted to Chinese girls, scared of the commitment that comes with Chinese girls etc etc. I think these guys to some extent feel in limbo because on "face value" they look Chinese so maybe White girls overlook them at first glance and local girls think he's just another Chinese guy.
ReplyDeleteOf course, local Chinese guys are more curious than say an "ABC" because as you say, he hasn't had the same exposure to Western girls. Generally their curosity won't translate into any meangingful relationship because...again many factors. I guess I should think about this more and do a post on it. Thanks for your comment though, it's nice to have another female perspective :)
How would you categorize a man born and raised in China but who has spent his adult life (18 onward) in the US? What is the distinguishing feature that sets apart Chinese-Chinese men and Westernized Chinese men?
ReplyDeleteHAM,
ReplyDeleteAsian men do have silky ,soft,smooth skin. Wanna touch my powerful arms? kekekekhaahalol . Skinny Chinese men huh? you haven't seen this Chinese man right here, baby!
You're right, I haven't seen you 'cause I have no idea who you are! LOL But don't be shy, inbox me a pic of you and I'm sure I can let you know if I think you have powerful arms. :)
ReplyDeleteMs H.A.M LOVER,
ReplyDeleteDo you like to be tickled and teased ? I love to tickle you. Let me get my feather ready from my "tool box" :).
my name is orna,54 years old israeli female,single.
ReplyDeletei have a master degree in pure mathematics and i am also a chinese medicine therapist.
i am calm,patient,good hearted,caring,humorous,curious and interesting girl.
i am very fond and interested in china and it's people.
ican also speak some chinese.
i am looking for a chinese or taiwanese guy about my age for longlasting friendship.
feel free to contact me.
orentaub@zahav.net.il